Anyone who knows me well, knows that this past year as been one truly worthy of being called “The great and terrible year of the Lord”…
A year ago almost to the day I quit my day job to pursue full time ministry. My calling and passion towards ministry was strong, I felt God’s leading and now looking back may have forced myself to believe that the move was a “God move” rather than something more selfish. Nonetheless, I prayed as I quit working for “the man” that I would be open and willing to say “Yes” to the opportunities that would come my way. And opportunities did just that. Through the year in quest for answer for the question “whats next God?”, I found myself back on the farm in Saskatchewan, went to Haiti, Pennsylvania, Washington, Alberta (on multiple occasions), BC and back to the farm and now back in BC at home here in Kelowna. Throughout the year I have seen God’s faithfulness, I have experienced His grace, I’ve seen Him move and do great things and I have felt more rejected and let down than I have in my entire life.
And guess what? I’m still asking the question.. “What my next move God?” I have spent a year of my life seeking God to place something across my lap that I can lean into diligently and wholeheartedly and still, the door has not opened.
I’m not going to sit here and tell you that my faith has not taken a hit. Nor am I going to sit here and say that my future is uncertain either. You see, just like you, I am on this journey of Faith, Future and Fathers. I cling to the promises of God. And I sit alone many nights soaking in the various verses regarding hope, destiny and faith. The pages in my bible are worn, ripped and creased where Jeremiah 29:11 should be. 1 Corinthians 5:7 and 2:5 has been underlined, highlighted and circled a number of times. And I’ve sat with my guitar on these nights and have written songs. Rarely good, but full of questions, frustrations, hopes, dreams and love.
The Love of a Father.
I have a few fathers in my life.
I have a great earthly/biological father who’s compassion and love for his kids and grand-kids is becoming more and more beautiful as the years go by.
I have my spiritual father and mentor who has the remarkable ability to cut through a lot of the crap and speak directly to my heart, challenge and encourage me every time we meet.
But then there’s my Heavenly Father. Abba God. Father God. Some even get so intimate with it and call him “Daddy God”.
Truth is, God is not some mean kid with a temper… He’s not distant. He’s not ignoring the situations you find yourselves in.
And I believe that He want to be even closer.
For me, I know He wants me to give up my irrational fear of failure. I know He wants me to give Him FULL control of my future. I know He wants me to trust him through my anxiety and depression. And I know He wants me to birth out of me a desire to see people come alive through Worship. To impact Worship Cultures within the local Church.
And I know this because when I am in His presence, when I find myself in conversation with Him and when I finally get over myself I find peace, I find rest and I find my destiny.
Be Still and Know that I am God
Be Still and Know that I am
Be Still and Know
Learning how to “be”… That’s my goal.