This song is on repeat today.
Matthew 12 says “Out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks”.
Well. My heart is full. Its been a while since I’ve felt so happy.
So here we go.
First off. God is so good. Like, ridiculously good. Like, inexplicably good.
This week has been one of the most emotionally full weeks I’ve ever had. From birthday parties, worship sets, friends mourning suicides, meeting new people, getting prophetic words from the most random people, relational tensions, new relationships forming, getting seriously broken by the Holy Spirit revealing truths on truths on truths, experiencing how the much the Father loves on His kids, being called out time and time again as random people come up and tell me how much the Father loves my heart and so much more. I am just sitting here and as I watch how fast time is flying by, I seriously just need to pause in the most sincere humbleness and gratefulness that I get to be in the position that I am in. For such a time is this…
I’m blessed. I truly am.
Now, here’s the thing. For those of you who know me, you know I’m as stubborn and hard headed as a brick wall. Learning life lessons the hard way is usually the only way that works for me. Daily I am walking into school with this on going tension between my history verses what God is doing in my midst. I love my heritage, I love that I grew up in a loving home, in a conservative church, in a semi-christian school, that I didn’t realized girls were datable till college, and even at my conservative college there was a foundation that was being built up. I love the fact that I moved to Kelowna. I love the fact that God brought me there to take me on a journey through some of the deepest pains I’ve felt. I love the fact that through some randoms one off questions and opportunities God has brought me in and out of some of the most predominate jobs, missions trips, God encounters and relationships.
When I came down, I didn’t know why. I didn’t know what to expect. I just knew that God birthed the passion and hunger for more. Its now been a month. My brain is scrambled. Often times I feel like I’m getting brain transplants by some of the most simple truths that are being taught down here. What I love about truths is that they always come with tension. Something as simple as the verse “The joy of the Lord is your strength” this week has faced a lot of tension. I don’t know about you but we live in a society that doesn’t really know what Joy is and when they see it they wonder why people are happy. We somehow have accepted the predisposition to think that life is supposed to be awful. We have believed the lie that people must be crazy if they walk down the street alone with a smile on their face. The truth is that the fruit of the spirit is Love, Joy, Peace…. and so forth. The bible says that we who are followers of Christ and disciples are to be marked by these fruits. Love is an obvious one (that we so often miss as well) but Joy is number 2 on that list.
I had a conversation with my parents the other day and my Dad said, “Son, you look exhausted, but you look happy”… I smiled and laughed a bit. Thats just it. I’m exhausted, I’m beat down. But I need that joy to keep me going. To keep me on my feet.
What I love about Joy is that the bible says “Take Joy in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.” I have a friend from college a few years back that lived this verse out. I didn’t get it. I wanted it back then desperately but I didn’t get it. Until now.
The best part is. I am seeing God bring forth these desires. The passions and longings of my heart that I have so desperately kept hidden for fear of appearing boastful or over privileged or spoiled or not as humble as I was faking to be… You obviously see the lies that was choking it.
My prayer for you as I just simply ramble on is that you begin to simply smile more. When you are alone. Without any external prompting. Without any care in the world of who might think your a loonie toon.
I’m off to spend some time with some good people. Will blog more over the weekend. Keep your eyes open for it.